Just Don't Break Me
by DrinkingAlcoholicRainbows
Summary: "I want to be someone like you." No, Carter doesn't get the respect he wants. But you know what? He'll earn it. One day. "Just don't break me. I'm already this close." A letter to Horus. Set at the end of Red Pyramid.


It was a bright and beautiful day. Skies were blue as if Nut was feeling good, and the grass was green like her husband, Geb, was the same. Ra must've been happy too, since the sun was shining as bright as it could.

That day, Horus received a letter. It wasn't much. Just a letter. Curious and intrigued, he spread his fingers on the paper and opened it. Horus was instantly greeted with a neat scrawl and he was surprised to say the least. He began to read, with a smile on his face and a glint in his silver and gold eyes. He had an idea on who this might be from.

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><p><em>Dear Horus,<em>

_Hey, it's Carter. You remember me._

_I'm gonna tell you a bit of myself before I go into the big picture. Maybe you can understand me a bit more then. Form your opinion, or something. You may have gone through my mind for a while, but you don't know everything. Judge me Horus, criticize, or whatever the hell you do. But please, don't try and break me. I'm already this close._

_In looking back, I have guaranteed this: _

_My life sucks._

_I was the goody-two-shoes. I was the 'good child'. The 'weak' one. The 'lonely kid'. Maybe even 'the guy who just couldn't fit in not even if he put worms in his shorts in front of the whole country'. You know that. I was put in the background. _

"_I'm used to it," I say, "It's fine. I'm fine," Then I'd just wave the random person off. _

_But the truth? You guessed it._

_The truth was I wasn't fine with it. But I'm good at holding temptations in. I wasn't demanding, like Sadie was. I can move on with my life simply not knowing. But it hurts, never knowing if you're wanted or not. If you're important or not. If you matter or not. It hurts not knowing. _

_I wasn't like Sadie. _

_Why?_

_Because I sure didn't have everything in life._

_There are times when I get angry, Horus. Times when I can't hold temptation in. Times when I just to fly as swiftly as a falcon. Times when I get angry and mad and jealous of my little sister just because people look up to her and not at me. Times when I feel like you, and just want to take everything apart and put it back together to my liking._

_Times when I want to run, and do nothing else but run._

_Just run, and run, and run as far away as I can because I can't take it. Just running forever for all in eternity. Times when I feel like that. _

_Call me weak, Horus. I don't care. Just send your apologies to the basement of the Twenty-First Nome where I'm sadly wallowing alone in self-pity._

_Sad, isn't it? Welcome to the life of Carter Kane. Where everyone but him is special._

_Remember when we fought Set? As one? Remember what I was thinking? Probably not. Let me give you a recap:_

'_Perfect. All of it. Flawless, just absolutely wonderful. Oh look! A cut! Oh, who cares. It's just a cut. Oh, oh! Leroy's owner is mad, huh? Yeah, well, you're just as ugly as your damn dog! Or moose, whatever. You want this, huh? Do you? Well let me give you a tasting! Take that! And that!'_

_Yeah. It's a bit embarrassing, wrong thought._

'_Look at those awesome moves, Carter! Man, this is awesome! But it doesn't feel right.'_

_I agree, past self. Doesn't feel right. You don't know if it's your body or his. You're still not sure on whether you're a good magician or not. You still feel pathetic. That's the problem. That's my problem. _

_Thing is, you're proud, Horus. Do you back down? No, no you don't. Do I back down? 'Course I do, that's who I am. Do I want to change that? Well, hell yes, I do! I want to be…someone like that. Someone like you. Someone who holds himself in well-earned respect and walks with a proud stride. Someone who's in control and knows it. _

_Someone, someone…_

_Someone like a true pharaoh._

_Someone who leads and knows how to. Someone is in so much power there's an aura around him that screams it. Someone like Iskandar. Someone like Dad. Like Ramesses. Like Narmer. Like you. I want to be the person everyone knows, and respects him, and would cry for him, and fight for him, and believe in the fact that he could be great; and actually is. Someone like that. _

_Problem?_

_I'm not._

_Yet. _

_I couldn't accept that from you. I have to work my own way, build my own path. I gotta earn my respect. I have to fight for my throne. I just couldn't accept the easy way. It was too easy, and I don't like that. Like I said, I'm the 'goody-two-shoes' of the family. I believe in hard work. I believe in justice, Horus. It wouldn't be fair. _

_I'm just a kid, for now. But one day, I will follow your path. I am now, actually. _

_Horus the Avenger._

_Carter the Avenger. _

_Horus the Pharaoh._

_Carter the Pharaoh._

_All four have nice rings to them, don't they? They fit. _

_So maybe I'm not a great magician, yet. So maybe I still haven't gotten rid of my temptation, yet. So maybe I'm not pharaoh material, yet. But I will be. Someday. _

_So mock me, Horus._

_Maybe tell me I'm not good enough. _

_Maybe tell me I'm too scrawny._

_Maybe tell me I'm hopeless._

_Mock me._

_Just don't break me._

_I'm almost this close._

_But mark my words, Horus._

_I'll come, and I'll rise. _

_Remember that. _

_Signed,_

**_CARTER KANE_**

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><p>And that was the end of that. To say Horus was shocked was kind of an understatement. He looked flabbergasted. Then he blinked and all was left was blank. He sighed and wondered if that was really how Carter felt. If he did...<p>

Poor kid.

_Just don't break me, Horus. Please._

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><p><strong>AN: Yes, I got into Kane Chronicles. Yes, I love Carter more than I can tolerate Sadie. Problem? Didn't think so.**


End file.
